Kevin Nealon [actor, comedian]

By: Editor | August 18, 2009 | Ten by Ten

Kevin Nealon has established himself as one of the premiere television, theatrical and stand-up comedians of his generation.  Nealon is most recognized for the characters he created as a cast member of Saturday Night Live.  He is currently starring as Doug Wilson in the critically acclaimed, Golden Globe nominated Showtime series, Weeds.  In addition to his acting credits, Kevin is an established and acclaimed writer, garnering him an Emmy nomination for his work on SNL.

Walk us through your most colorful childhood memory.
When I was 6 years old, I moved to Germany with my family. My father worked for Sikorsky Helicopters, and they had a contract with a “German outfit” (as he referred to it). And by “German outfit,” he was not referring to lederhosen. We lived there for four years, and we had many incredible opportunities to travel around Europe. I got to experience castles on the Rhine, canals in Venice, gypsies in Spain and arguments in Italy. I learned to swim in Greece, learned to ski in the Alps and learned to be snooty in France.

What is the strangest number you have programmed into your phone?
I guess some people might consider this number strange, but I have some celebrity friends that I list in my phone book under their most notable character names. Probably “Captain Kirk” would be the strangest after “The Six Million Dollar Man.”

Describe your closest brush with death.
When I was 8 years old, my friend George was showing me one of his father’s hunting rifles in their basement. He was pointing it at my head. I told him that he should never point a gun at anyone. It was something my parents had instilled in me. George assured me it wasn’t loaded, then raised it and pulled the trigger. Blam! The gun went off sending a bullet whizzing over me and into the ceiling. Both of our jaws dropped. To this day he tells me how close he was to pulling that trigger while it was pointed at my head. I shutter every time I think about that.

If you could choose any five people, dead or alive, to have dinner with, who would they be and why?
I would like to have dinner with my father’s parents. They passed away before I was born, and I would like to meet them and get to know them. OK, let’s see … that’s two. Leonardo DaVinci would be my third choice because I like his doodles. My fourth choice, of course, would be Jesus Christ for obvious reasons. I don’t want him/her to feel left out. And finally, Bill Gates, and not because I think he would be interesting, but because he is loaded and I could guilt him into picking up the check.

What do you consider your greatest failure?
My first marriage.

What do you consider your greatest achievement?
My second marriage.

What is your most cherished possession and why?
Let’s just say if there were a fire in my house, the first thing I would grab, aside from my family, would be my laptop. It has lots of things in it that are important to me.

How will you spend this evening?
First, I will brush my teeth, wash my face and put on my pajamas. It’s a wonderful feeling knowing all that is taken care of so that when I can no longer keep my eyes open, I can crawl right into bed with absolutely no guilt. I then plan on watching the six o’clock news and then some Tivo’d Elmo with my son. After my wife and I coerce my son to bed with empty promises, and if I have any energy left, I will work on my dialogue for the upcoming episode of Weeds.

Describe a vivid or recurring dream you’ve had.
I once dreamt that I was doing the Tonight Show with Johnny Carson for the first time. I hit my mark and told my first joke, and the audience loved it. They loved it so much they literally couldn’t stop laughing. It was the only joke I told or needed on that appearance. They laughed for my entire allotted five minutes. I said good night to the cameras as Johnny wiped the tears from his face. He gave me the “great job” sign with his fingers and a big wave. I disappeared behind the curtains with the audience still laughing.

Recognizing the value of this joke, I woke myself up and wrote it down on a piece of paper on my night table. I smiled as I drifted back to sleep realizing that I had come up with the perfect joke, and I would never need any more material again.

That next morning I looked at the paper, and I could barely read my sloppy, half-asleep handwriting. I wrote: “Take my wife, please.” You could only imagine my disappointment. Apparently, Henny Youngman had this very same dream 30 years earlier.

How would you define love?
An incredibly powerful and uncontrollable emotional connection between two people that begins with interest, then lust, desire and need — then elation and the inability to reason or think straight. If unrequited, it could lead to stalking.

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